I have been reading Goldie Hawn’s book A Lotus Grows in the Mud and it has really inspired me to make some changes in my life. She talks about going through a lot of things that I have gone through personally like anxiety attacks, depression, fear, and how to manage your failures and successes in life. She writes about personal experiences and then incorporates them into her life now- what she learned from it and how she grew from it. I really look up to her, she is truly an idol of mine and I’m so glad that I bought the book.

So I declare today- July 14, 2008 day one of Project Me.
Here is a list of things I think I need to work on.

1. Take care of my body
• -Get more rest- go to bed earlier. I hate being tired in the morning so this will take care of a few things: my clarity in the mornings for work is imperative and all in all it is better for your health to be rested.
• -Exercise Daily- Vigorous walks with Cody and then toning. I was really impressed with Mariah Carey’s new body (as seen on Oprah) so I may follow a few of her workout tricks.
• -Eat and Drink Better- Rugby Dude taught me a cool trick about grocery shopping- Stay on the outer edges of the store. That’s where all the fresh foods are kept; produce, dairy, and meats. Nothing ever frozen, nothing ever out of a box. And it works. We have been eating better lately- no breads, grains or pastas. Only fresh foods. Drink more water!
• I also need to stop drinking alcohol. I have a drink almost every night and it is usually mixed with a soda- not good for me. And also not good for my sleep patterns. It probably has something to do with my anxiety too- in one way or another.

2. Get out of Debt.
• I remember one of the first things RD mentioned the first time we talked about our future relationship was he wanted me to get out of debt and get my credit rating figured out. I know that I don’t have much debt but I do have a few things in there that need to be paid off. I have a credit card from college, and maybe a couple hospital bills still open. I have been too afraid to check my credit score online. Its time to bite the bullet.

3. Stay Organized
• I come from the school of thought- if your house is out of order- so is your life. I am a mad cleaner on the weekends if I’m home, but lately it’s gotten out of control. I spent all day on Saturday cleaning the house and there are still things I need to do. I have piles of paperwork that haven’t been filed in a couple years; I have loose things like pictures and cd’s that need to be put back. I went this weekend and bought myself a file cabinet box so that I can put those important documents somewhere I can find them. It’s a first step towards putting order into my life.
• This also includes my car.

4. Get a GPS so I can be more adventurous.
• I am famous for getting lost wherever I drive. It doesn’t matter if I have been there before; you can count on me getting lost somewhere along the way. There is something in my brain that blocks me from remembering which way to go, almost like a learning disorder. My dad calls it “directionally challenged”…a pretty good description because as soon as I get in my car I never know which way is up. Getting a GPS is a first step to my freedom around town. I get anxiety about driving, and have been known to turn down events with my friends because I was too afraid of getting lost. If I had a GPS to tell me where to go…that would be so lovely, plus I could program in addresses that I go to a lot! Gotta save for that! I saw one for $199 that I think I will end up getting with my next paycheck.

5. Success to me
• Different people have different views of what success is. For some people it is being successful in their career, for me it is family and relationships. My success has been slow going, with my failed relationships. It was just two years ago that I found the man I want to spend the rest of my life with- that is a huge first step. I want to work on bettering myself before settling down, but what I want is ultimately getting married, having kids and settling down somewhere. One step at a time and I know it takes time…believe me I have been a very patient girl over the years. It isn’t something you can rush, and I don’t want to push someone into something they aren’t ready for.
• I am ready to let go of my past failures and work on the now, and the future; Work on myself so that I can be the best person I can be, with no baggage, and nothing holding me back from growing so that I am free to grow along with someone for the rest of our lives. Hopefully these good choices and good changes will bring about some fantastic life opportunities for me to be more successful in what I want out of life.

Ultimately I am hoping these changes will bring a positive spin to my life. I am not looking for a lightning bolt to strike me and change me instantly- I know this will take a lot of time and effort and willpower, and I know it will be hard. But I know it is a project I want to conquer. I believe in myself. I can do this.

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(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. jenni