Do you ever feel like a plastic bag,
Drifting through the wind, wanting to start again?
Do you ever feel, feel so paper-thin
Like a house of cards, one blow from caving in?
Do you ever feel already buried deep?
Six feet under screams, but no one seems to hear a thing
Do you know that there’s still a chance for you?’Cause there’s a spark in youYou just gotta ignite the light, and let it shine
Just own the night like the Fourth of July’Cause baby, you’re a firework
Come on, show ‘em what you’re worth
Make ‘em go “oh, oh, oh!”
As you shoot across the sky-y-y
Baby, you’re a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make ‘em go “oh, oh, oh!”,
You’re gonna leave ‘em falling down oh oh
You don’t have to feel like a waste of space
You’re original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane, comes a rainbow
Maybe the reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will glow
And when it’s time you know
You just gotta ignite the light, and let it shine
Just own the night like the Fourth of July
‘Cause baby, you’re a firework
Come on, show ‘em what you’re worth
Make ‘em go “oh, oh, oh!”
As you shoot across the sky-y-y
Baby, you’re a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make ‘em go “oh, oh, oh!”
You’re gonna leave ‘em falling down oh oh
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It’s always been inside of you, you, you
And now it’s time you let it through-ooh-ooh
‘Cause baby, you’re a firework
Come on, show ‘em what you’re worth
Make ‘em go “oh, oh, oh!”
As you shoot across the sky-y-y
Baby, you’re a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make ‘em go “oh, oh, oh!”
You’re gonna leave ‘em falling down oh oh
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Last night I had the most hilarious dream.
After a day of washing my truck under a tree full of pooping birds who wouldn’t stop pooping, and moving out of a hotel room only to find out someone had trashed it and was trying to frame me, I ran to my parents hotel. Of course! Even though I don’t own a truck in reality, nor have I ever lived in a hotel room but it all made sense in the dream. I was running frantically from whoever it was that was trying to frame me for the damages to the hotel room, and found my parents at their hotel and they were being very secretive. My dad saw me and ran around the corner and my mom instantly put her arm around me and shuffled me into a room full of people and told me to turn around and not look at anyone. Um ok, wait huh? She went to the hostess, wherever we were it was inside a big red tent, and she whispered something to her. And then I saw some people I work with and realized they are throwing me a surprise party!
So finally I am walking around the party saying hi to people and I come across Sean Connery. Perfectly normal. I sit on the ground with him, he is sitting on a little hill of brightly colored pillows and he kicks one over to me. We talk, and he starts to look around to see if anyone else is listening. “You know who I am don’t you?” he says to me in his perfectly charming accent. Of course I know who he is, he is God of course! “Ive always known” I whisper to him and we clink champagne glasses. He chuckles and says “you know I thought you got a glimpse of me the day you were born, but I wasn’t sure” I raise my eyebrows and nod again, yep I know that you are secretly God living as Sean Connery! He tells me how he got into acting, how he always wanted to try it, see how it would feel to be a celebrity, and wanted to live in a human body from birth to death. Really deep conversation ha ha. The funny thing was…he was wearing a toga with gold sandals and gold wings on his head. Yep, God was at my party, and in the form of Sean Connery, of course! It makes perfect sense. Perfectly normal.
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(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. jenni
I love my dreams :)
Chris and I ALWAYS have fun at a Reverend Horton Heat concert…yeeeeeee haw! I love the Jimbo Song and Chris loves a little Martini Time! OMG…wouldn’t it be great if they played our wedding reception? Sigh…
Here’s a little from their webiste:
Jim “Reverend Horton” Heath: guitar, vocals
Jimbo Wallace: upright bass
Paul Simmons: drums
Recently, the Reverend Horton Heat, aka Jim Heath, had something along the lines of what he calls an epiphany.
He’s a little tired of being taken so seriously-well, maybe not seriously, exactly, but you get the idea-and lately he’s noticed that some of his funnier, country-tinged songs were his biggest crowd pleasers. Besides, being entertaining is what this is all about, right?
So, ladies and gents, roll your smokes up in your sleeve and hold on to your cowboy hats, it’s time to take a trip back to a time before slick, over-produced country became the norm-a time when outlaws wrote songs about being without a pot to piss in-or at least about psycho exboyfriends and deadbeat girlfriends that spend your paycheck faster than you can say Lone Star.
Welcome to Laughin’ and Cryin’ with the Reverend Horton Heat a record full of country-heavy tunes about bad habits, well-meaning but clueless husbands, ever-expanding beer-guts and, well, Texas. It wouldn’t be a Reverend Horton Heat record without a song or-in this case, two-about the Lone Star State. And, while Laughin’ and Cryin’ marks a detour from the hard driving punkabilly of the Rev’s last record, 2004′s Revival, this time tending toward honk, there’s still some shit-kickers ["Death Metal Guys"] to let you know that Heath and crew still mean business.
“I really wanted to capture the feelings of recordings of the late ’50s, early ’60s,” Heath said of the songs on the new record.
Exhibit A: Beer Holder, a honky-tonker about a guy who finds the table by his chair a bit too far of a stretch-so he opts for a new “beer holder,” his growing gut. While this guy finds his solution genius, his woman thinks otherwise.
“[The record is] kind of from a regular guy point of view,” Heath said. “You know, I like to do stuff that’s kind of tongue-in-cheek that makes fun of the good old boy thing as much as trying to glorify the country boy thing.”
Heath originally conceived the new record as the product of an alter ego, Harley Hog, a sort of “laughing and crying” singer.
“I was trying to develop this vocal style where I was always either laughing or crying. It was really over- exaggerated,” Heath said.
The problem once they got in the studio, however, “we wouldn’t get that far because the guys were just laughing so hard. It was really kind of ridiculous.”
Without a doubt, the mighty Reverend has won a cult following around the world these past 20+ years with a nearly endless touring ethic and musical style that’s equally as rooted in tradition as it is in breaking it. He’s one of the lynchpins of the neoroots movement and responsible for moving the genre forward and garnering it a whole new generation of fans. Mix that with a mythic stage presence and you’ve got a live act that turns rock clubs into psychobilly tent revivals across the country 300 days a year.
Heath, who personally loves good old, mid-20th century country music, cautions that the record was not born out of a desire to introduce his audience to a new set of influences-it’s just meant to have a little fun. Besides, he warns, his next record may just be a set of “avant-garde versions of Swahili folk songs done on homemade instruments.”
“Never say never,” Heath said.
I am so excited to announce that Chris and I are engaged! He proposed on December 17th.A couple of weeks before that he circled the dates on the calendar and wrote in “our weekend” and since my parents were due to come in for Christmas, I didn’t question it. He told me he just wanted to have a nice weekend together before they got here. So he told me we had reservations at the Capitol Grille in downtown Denver. Nice!
So I came home from work that day and noticed the dog wasn’t around. “Wheres the dog?” I asked and he said he put him at Camp Bow Wow for the weekend because he needed to play and get some energy out. Ok thats fine, I was a little sad but ok. So we got dressed and went to dinner and then decided to take a drive to look at the Christmas lights downtown. As we drove we came upon the Brown Palace Hotel and every time we drive by I always say “oh babe look The Brown Palace, sigh…we need to go in there one of these days” And I did say that again as we drove by, but this time Chris said “yeah lets go in now for a drink at the bar” and pulled over in front of the hotel. I looked at him with surprise and said “oh that’s ok we don’t need to go in tonight” but he parked and we got out. We looked around the lobby and the Christmas decorations were just fabulous. I was not paying attention when Chris pushed the elevator up button. It felt so sneaky, but we did this same thing when we went to the Stanley Hotel. We were sneaking around the hotel looking at all the old pictures on the walls and then suddenly on the 8th floor he said “Lets go in this room” and pulled a key out of his wallet! I think my jaw hit the floor! I couldn’t figure it out in my head.,..but wasn’t it my idea to come in? When did he have time to check us in? Did he quickly check us in to a room while I wasn’t paying attention? And while I stood there with my mouth open, he laughed and pulled me into the room. The first thing I could see in the hotel suite was a huge bouquet of two dozen red roses and a bottle of champagne! There was music playing and the lights were low and before it all even sunk in, the door shut behind me and I turned to Chris and he was on his knee! “Will you marry me?” he asked and I started crying I was still in shock! it all felt like such a dream I couldn’t believe it and I think I even said “for real?” through my sobbing and he laughed again and with a big smile on his face he nodded his head and said yes for real…and I said YES!!!! He pulled a ring out of his pocket and put it on my finger and we laughed through our tears and kissed and hugged forever. He had the whole weekend planned for us, even packed me a bag! We had a couples massage and dinners and breakfasts. It was the most wonderful surprise ever.
Nothing can ever top this.
I love you babe.
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(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. jenni
Playing catch up!
Problem: my jewelry is all over the place! I hate digging through my drawers trying to find a friggin match to my earrings, and my necklaces are constantly tangled. I have a really old fashioned jewelry box that just really isn’t working anymore. And because I was constantly losing earrings, I had them all out on my vanity table. So I thought up a solution.
Ingredients:
Picture Frame (minus the glass and backing)
window screening
cup hooks
hot glue gun
Drill
With a little help from Chris who drilled eight holes in the bottom of the frame, I was able to create my own little jewelry frame! All I did was cut the screen to size, hot glue it to the back of the frame, screw in the cup hooks, and voila! The only problem was those earrings that have detachable backs…so I just keep those up on top of the frame. Really easy, and so much more organized! Now my vanity table is clear, and I can find all the matches to my earrings! Makes getting ready in the mornings much more enjoyable.
click the pic for more
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(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. jenni
Today I am so proud of myself:
For the last five days I haven’t had a single drink of alcohol, and I have worked out every single day!
That has never happened in any combination of any kind ever in my life (after the age of 20). On any normal day I come home from work, I change into comfy clothes (pajamas), plop down into the couch, turn on whatever the trashiest TV show is on at that moment (Jersey Shore, Real Housewives, or Bad Girls Club) and pour myself a glass of white wine (bottle). I would over-eat at dinner, stay up too late and the next day I would feel just awful.
This week has been a total wake up call for me. I haven’t felt this great in years.
So, new life rules:
No drinking on school nights, work out every day, be present, be 100%…and no matter what…be proud to be me.
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(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. jenni
So after my 45 minutes of Cardio and Oprah (the Farewell Season…sniff) I decided to keep the workout going, because “Today is the Day”!
I dug out my Bender Ball from the trunk where workout gear goes to die, and discovered it had gone flat… since I haven’t used it but once the day I got it in the mail. Its been at least six months since I got that darn thing in the mail. I ordered it one night, probably after a few glasses of wine, and apparently I missed some small print when I ordered. Every month after I got the ball I got a DVD in the mail, and they charged my account every time of course. After 6 DVD’s I finally called and canceled. They were still in the plastic today!
So I got all set up, DVD in the player, made sure no one was around to see me flail, and all hell broke loose. I tried to blow up the ball to its full potential and by doing so I shot the plug all the way across the living room where it fell behind our huge and heavy entertainment center. Great. Chris wasn’t home to help me move it but I was determined to finish my day with some crunches! After pulling and tugging, and even moving a huge rug, I was able to get myself wedged behind the TV and I got it! Whew, moving that thing back into place was a workout in its own!
Got the stupid ball blown up finally and set it down on the floor where I was set to work out, turned to press play on the DVD, turned around and the ball was gone. My dog got it! Friggin Cody! I chased him outside where he had it shoved all the way in his mouth like a balloon, and I just knew he was going to pop it so I screamed DROP IT NOOOOOOWWWWWW in my meanest growliest voice because Cody doesn’t listen to nice. My neighbors probably think I’m a big ole bitch now…but I got the ball back, covered in slobber.
Finally got to play one of the DVDs, and it is a good workout but the girl who is teaching the moves is really dull. If I had to hear her say “oh yeah feel those rectus abdominous muscles…” and “give those legs a deserving hug” one more time I was about to shut it off. I hope the other DVDs are better.
Its funny because its the cliche workout video, one star, and two back up girls. One girl she introduces as her partner in the exercises and then she introduces the other girl as just “Kitty”. You know right off the bat the poor Kitty is the girl who has to stay in the back and pretend she cant do any of the strenuous moves, so she does all the moves half-assed for all the lazy people out there to follow.
I started out as the star, but boy I will tell you , I ended the workout as Kitty!
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(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•.jenni
Anyone who knows me knows that Fall is my season. I love the colors, I love the crisp cool air, I love the weather…I could go on and on. It is just so beautiful!
This year, I made Chris take me on a drive up to the mountains before the leaves were past their peak, we couldn’t have picked a more beautiful weekend. The leaves were so golden in the sun, you had to wear sunglasses to look directly at them. I made a little video you can watch here.
Its one of my favorite things about living in Colorado, the beauty here is always evolving into something even more beautiful. The mountains are right in our back yard. Its amazing all the things there are to do and see here. In my opinion, Fall is the most beautiful time of year in Colorado.
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(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. jenni
When I was in college I dated a guy for a few months. It was a pretty volatile relationship, on again off again. To make it harder we worked together and hung in the same circle of friends. He was such a tragic person, a truly unhappy being. One of those people who self destructed every so often; and made sure that he would set himself up to fail in most situations. If he did succeed he would sabotage himself. In the same way, he sabotaged our relationship many times but I went back to him time and time again; because I truly felt like I could save him. He was one of the greatest human beings I have ever known; he just didn’t know how to be good to himself.
I wanted to fix him so badly, it was just heartbreaking. He was an alcoholic, addicted to drugs and smoked like a chimney. In the end those things were the reason it didn’t work between us. In time I moved on with my life and graduated college. We remained friends but lost touch soon after I moved to Colorado.
A couple of years later I received news that he put a shotgun to his own chest.
In the years since, I have had dreams about him. The kind of dreams that don’t really mean anything, just mostly the kind based off some old memory we shared. I haven’t really thought about him in the last five years or so. Until last night… he came to visit me.
In the dream I was at a party, someone’s house full of people I didn’t know very well. I was sitting on the floor in front of a door way and there he was. He stood over me for a minute and then smiled down at me with his arm extended. I took his hand and smiled as he sat down with legs crossed in front of me on the floor. We embraced. It felt so real I could feel his heart beat against my chest. He said “how are you?” with both of his hands holding my shoulders. I smiled and told him “I used to dream about you all the time, but this feel a lot different for some reason” (I have never been able to realize that I am in a dream before.) He told me “well I came here to get you…” and smiled that perfect smile he always had. I laughed and said “I can’t go with you I have a boyfriend back there…” I gestured behind me as if Chris was in another room and I felt really confused. He backed up a little and lit a cigarette. I took a breath and started to say “I’m sorry” but I choked on the smoke. He was gone.
I woke up sitting upright in my bed alone, coughing. The air in the room was filled with cigarette smoke.
rest in peace C.J. it was good to see you.
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(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•.jenni
“are you lying?”
you looked at me and said “no I swear”
you looked right into my eyes
these eyes that love you
and you lied.
two women somewhere behind me in the checkout aisle:
woman #1 “wow her hair is gorgeous!”
woman #2 “yeah, its too bad because she’d probably be somewhat attractive if she wasn’t chunky”
skinny ass Cherry Creek bitches.
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(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•.jenni
Nature’s first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf’s a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
~Robert Frost
All around Denver the leaves are forming on the trees. The cherry blossoms have bloomed, their petals scatter in the wind. What I love about spring is the color of the sky. It’s a sort of sapphire blue that cannot be recreated by even the finest of painters. Not even a modern day Michelangelo could imagine a color. Its the color of my fathers eyes. Maybe it is the sunlight reflecting off of the leaves and flowers, back up into the heavens that causes the brilliance in light. it makes green seem greener, and pinks seem electric, almost too hard to stare at for very long.
I’ve noticed the sounds of the city have dulled now that the trees all have their leaves. Noise in winter seems to travel farther because the trees are bare. Now the train whistle in the distance fades into the night air as the trees dance in the wind.
We leave our windows open now, inviting the sweet fragrance of the daffodils into our slumber. Soon the night will be so quiet it will seem as if we are the only people within miles. The city will slow and people will relax into summer. The days will become longer, the nights will get warmer, and that blue that I love so much will become so deep you’d think you could fall into it.
Don’t blink, it will be over faster than a dream.
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(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•.jenni
I realized today that I am old…because?…I am wearing knee highs…
When I was little I remember thinking that my parents were so boring and old; how they dressed, what they were interested in, etc. I remember leaving the room when they would turn on the evening news- what a bore! I remember making fun of my mother for wearing something I’m sure I thought was hilarious (sorry mom) But now I am sure I do all those things that I used to roll my eyes at. Oh my god, I am turning into my parents!
I already find myself doing things that haven’t been in my routine before. Yes I wear knee highs. But only with pants and closed toed shoes…(it feels better when I am wearing really pointy toed shoes.) I also have started to record Nightline (I almost said tape). Actually I record all the news shows, 48 hours, Dateline, 20/20…oh boy. One new (old lady) thing I have started to buy- Better Homes and Gardens magazine, because of the recipes and gardening ideas…oh my god. I need to stop. Is it already 9:30? past my bedtime…ugh. I am old.
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(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•.jenni
Captains log. Stardate 20100427
Still starving, and very very tired.
2 miles on the treadmill Steak and veggies for dinner
was good with food today, only ate half what I normally would have
think I’m getting a cold.
“I’ve spent $40,000 on shoes and I have no place to live?
I will literally be the old woman who lived in her shoes!”
~ Carrie Bradshaw
What girl doesn’t like a new pair of shoes? A few months ago my friend Angela told me about this sort-of “shoe of the month club”; Kim Kardashian’s Shoedazzle.com. I went home and researched and was instantly hooked. I signed up on the spot and ever since I get a shiny new pair of shoes every month!
Every month I choose a pair of shoes from the website and they arrive in style:
So cute with a pair of leggings! My first pair were little black Chinese Laundry ballet flats and I have worn them to shreds; I’m addicted to flats now. There’s just something about a new pair of heels that just makes me so happy!
The Shoedazzle idea is just so smart. Sign up and you will get a new shoe selection every month. If you don’t want anything from your selection you can request new selections or skip that month and they wont charge you! They make it really easy too if you want to return your selection.
This is definitely going in the category of Cool Things…I’m addicted!
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(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•.jenni
Captains Log Stardate 20100426:
starving…would kill for a burger.
I could just say my main goal is to lose at least 20 pounds, but that is easier said than done. What I really want is for a lot of little things to happen as a result of losing 5 lbs here and 10 lbs there. So here is a list of what I would love to accomplish within the next 6 months:
1. No more front butt!
When I was little I remember seeing a woman in the grocery store wearing brown polyester slacks (it was the 70′s) She was a B I G woman and her pants were not very forgiving. Where her lower belly should have been situated in the front of her pants, was now split up the center by a polyester seam. It was the first front butt I had ever seen, and obviously it made an impression on me. I am still tortured by the memories, the image is still burned on my brain!
2. I want my lap back!
When you sit down, does your lower stomach sit on the tops of your legs? Mine does. s i g h.
3. Wardrobe malfunctions be gone!
There is nothing worse than buying a new shirt in a size up from your normal size, and it doesn’t fit. Other than maybe when you put on your favorite pair of jeans and not being able to button them anymore. Now days I find myself squatting in every pair of jeans before leaving the house hoping for them to stretch out…the muffin top is out of control.
4. Where did my feet go?
Id like to be able to see my feet in the shower, I miss them. And why is it so hard to breathe when I tie my shoes? I find myself holding my breath so I can friggin bend over!
5. I feel pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and bright…oh wait, no I don’t.
I don’t feel attractive in any way, shape or form. I am disgusting. I know this because I have seen myself naked in the mirror; not something I would recommend to anyone. Its scary, look away. I want to bring sexy back, and I want it now!
6. Most importantly:
I want my confidence back. I want my self esteem back. I want to feel good about myself.
So there you have it. That’s not too much to work towards is it?
Recently I heard a quote that I love “I am the master of my fate, I am the Captain of my soul.“
This begins my journey…..
Captains log; Star date 2010/04/21
2.6 miles on the treadmill last night.
Today: whole Milk, banana, hard boiled egg, veggie soup with a tortilla, lots of water and peanuts. Sushi for dinner.
2.15 miles on the treadmill- (and a really great Oprah show today)
Day two of the Slim Quick Cleanse, 5 more days to go.
Still a fat ass…
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(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•.jenni
It seems like every Monday morning, I wake up and say to myself “Today is the Day!” Meaning that today is the day that I stop breaking all my own rules and be good to myself. I lay there in bed and think of all the things I need to do in order to be the best person I can be. I need to work out, I need to eat healthy, I need to not drink on weeknights, I need to go to bed earlier etc.. And within those rules are a whole lot of little sub-rules like, don’t break down when the whole office gets donuts or orders Chinese, and workout- after work on the days I am off at 4, before work on the days I am off at 5. But for whatever reason I break every single rule, every single week. I have no self control!
Mondays I am always good. I have just enough willpower to say no to the bagels and cream cheese, to drink my 8 glasses of water, and to make sure I have a salad with dinner after I walk on the treadmill for at least a mile and a half. By Tuesday though, I’ve broken at least one rule, and by Thursday I’m like Fuck it. I try to be good but work always screws with me. Someone offers to buy lunch, and I end up getting a huge sandwich, breaking rule #87053 which is no carbs…and then it always seems to be somebody’s birthday in the office, which means cake. And it would be rude not to eat a piece with everyone else wouldn’t it?
It’s a vicious cycle. I feel great about myself on Monday, by Friday I am totally defeated, and haven’t worked out since Tuesday, and depressed because I feel fat, and because I am so weak I cant even control the shoveling motion of junk food into my fat mouth with my own fat fingers…which now makes me feel ugly, which makes me never want to be naked in front of my boyfriend ever again, which drives me to drink like a homeless guy on Friday, which makes me worthless and lazy the whole weekend. I sound sooo pretty, don’t I?
And that brings us back to Monday…drum roll please…Today is the Day!
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(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•.jenni
