things to do before the rapture
Written on May 20, 2011
Hey, did you know the end of the world is tomorrow? I know, it totally snuck up on me too. Sigh, there are so many things I wanted to accomplish before I burn in hell. But alas there is just not enough time. I probably will not be able to see the pyramids, sky dive in New Zealand, or make out with Sean Connery; but there are a few things I think I can manage to accomplish, Not in any particular order.
- Donate everything I own to Good Will. Who needs it anyway, where Im going it will all be useless anyway right?
- Buy the oldest, most expensive bottle of Scotch I can find, and drink it from a giant goblet.
- Shave my head. I’m tired of my hair anyway, and wouldn’t it feel so freeing?
- Go to Farrell’s and eat a “Zoo” all by myself.
- Personally go to the houses of mean people I know and poop on their lawns.
- Free all the animals from the kennels around town, oh and the zoo too. I wish I could free the lobsters from those awful restaurants but the ocean is a really long drive and I don’t have that much time. Sorry lobsters!
- Ride my bike in my pajamas.
- Set my work computer on fire and roast weenies over it.
- Sing the theme from Titanic at Karaoke night
- Try drugs
- Call Oprah and tell her my deepest darkest secrets
- Decorate my house for Christmas…circa 1960.
- Get married by Elvis in Vegas.
- Gather a dozen squirrels in my back yard, and set my dog free
- Organize and choreograph a flash mob to be performed in line for Judgment.
So, I think that should keep me busy for a few hours before the earthquake. Happy end of the World everyone! And remember… What would Jesus Do?
(¯`v´¯)
`*.¸.*´
¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. jenni
Filed in: me.
