will power

It seems like every Monday morning, I wake up and say to myself “Today is the Day!”  Meaning that today is the day that I stop breaking all my own rules and be good to myself.  I lay there in bed and think of all the things I need to do in order to be the best person I can be. I need to work out, I need to eat healthy, I need to not drink on weeknights, I need to go to bed earlier etc.. And within those rules are a whole lot of little sub-rules like,  don’t break down when the whole office gets donuts or orders Chinese, and workout- after work on the days I am off at 4, before work on the days I am off at 5.  But for whatever reason I break every single rule, every single week.  I have no self control!

Mondays I am always good.  I have just enough willpower to say no to the bagels and cream cheese, to drink my 8 glasses of water, and to make sure I have a salad with dinner after I walk on the treadmill for at least a mile and a half.  By Tuesday though, I’ve broken at least one rule, and by Thursday I’m like Fuck it. I try to be good but work always screws with me.  Someone offers to buy lunch, and I end up getting a huge sandwich, breaking rule #87053 which is no carbs…and then it always seems to be somebody’s birthday in the office, which means cake. And it would be rude not to eat a piece with everyone else wouldn’t it?

It’s a vicious cycle. I feel great about myself on Monday, by Friday I am totally defeated, and haven’t worked out since Tuesday, and depressed because I feel fat, and because I am so weak I cant even control the shoveling motion of junk food into my fat mouth with my own fat fingers…which now makes me feel ugly, which  makes me never want to be naked in front of my boyfriend ever again, which drives me to drink like a homeless guy on Friday, which makes me worthless and lazy the whole weekend. I sound sooo pretty, don’t I?

And that brings us back to Monday…drum roll please…Today is the Day!

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(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•.jenni