seriously?
Is this really my life?? I am going to be thirty five years old this coming January…what really do I have to show for it?
I remember when I was a little girl dreaming about my future; I had everything set in my mind. The husband with a great job so that I could be a stay at home mom to our two point five children and a new house with a huge yard that our golden retrievers could play in with the kids.
…s i g h …
I guess that’s why they call them dreams.
I was walking in the park yesterday and I saw a girl who could have been my age or younger even, and she was walking with my dream family: Dad holding their little three year old, and mom strolling their youngest baby daughter with the family dog in tow. That should be me! Why am I not able to be living the dream I had so long ago?
And then I start thinking about all the chances I have had. I have had chances with guys who have wanted to marry me, the first time I was only 23 but at that age I didn’t want marriage yet and the others I wouldn’t have ever been happy with. I had the chance to have a baby when I was in my mid 20’s but I was unmarried and again- it wasn’t what I wanted at that point in my life.
I do not regret making any of these decisions in my past; I wasn’t ready for it then. I am ready for it now….and I know I am being a little bit impatient, but I don’t have that much more time to screw around with my life and my future anymore.
It all just puts me in a foul mood.
Where did my life go? I feel like for the last decade I have been living for my job and working to create my own stability without having to depend on anyone else, but where is it all? I have no savings, no family, I don’t own a house yet and my once fabulous car is just about dead…and what’s the worst part of it all??
I STILL HAVE NO STABLITY IN MY LIFE.
What a friggin loser I am!
What happened to it all?
When does it happen, that the life I have always wanted, and the life I have been living come to a crossroads? Because I really really think I deserve it soon.
(¯`v´¯)
`*.¸.*´
¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. jenni
You are perfect. You are exactly where you need to be.
Life isn’t the same as it used to be. The “American Dream” of marriage, house, 2.3 kids, etc. is becoming harder and harder to achieve because the realities of modern life have made it less and less possible.
Still…your life is the sum of the consequences of every decision you have made in your life. When you had the opportunity to “live the dream,” it was’t the right time, or the right person. You are still young enough to have it all…just try to muster a bit more patience!
I knew you when you were younger and see you in writing as you are today…You have stability, with what kind of person you chose to be, not doing things just because you could have, but for what you felt was right. I still see a strong willed red head that knows what she wants and not settling for anything less. :)