the jenni chronicles

I’m not the best at keeping my head when I’m angry, add to that only getting three hours of sleep and I’m a monster. We are having trouble sleeping together…and I do mean sleep (you dirty minds). 

  I’m the worst about sleep; I love it, I have to have it, and when I don’t get enough of it I hate life.  It feels like my body is dying, and it is nauseating for me to have to get out of bed when I am overly tired.  I just want to shut down.  Sometimes I even wake up with a fever.  When I was little I used to feel so sick when I got out of bed for school that I would throw up. Mornings are too early for me, especially when it is still dark outside- icky. I’m more of an afternoon waker-upper.  The story:

This morning RD came to bed finally at 2AM- I woke up, but fell back to sleep.  3AM on the button, he starts to snore and toss around. I wake up…I don’t go back to sleep.  Man that boy can snore too.  I have always known this about him though, and I can accept that.  Sometimes I wake him and ask him to turn over, but only when he is breathing erratically.  Last night was a bit different, after a couple hours of him tossing and turning, and jolting, and kicking, and snorting, I began counting.  Some people count sheep, I count the seconds of stillness.  “1 one thousand, 2 one thousand…” like you do when counting between the lightning and the thunder. The most I got up to was “9 one thousand”.  The average was 6.  SIX!!!

Only six seconds of stillness at a time.  I couldn’t believe it. Poor guy. Poor me! At least he is able to sleep through it. All I can do is lay there and get madder that I’m awake. It’s not his fault but before it was light out I stormed out of the room and slammed the door.  It was almost involuntary; I just don’t know how to keep my anger inside in the heat of the moment.

  I started crying when he came out and asked if I was ok.  “No, not really” I answered through the bathroom door..then I told him to go back to bed, in a not so nice voice.  I really wish I could filter my temper.  He even offered to walk the dog but I wasn’t having any of it.  I was a total angry girl to him, the kind I don’t like.  “I’m sorry but I think I’m going a little bit insane” I told him through my tears as I walked out the door to walk Cody.  Poor guy.  I was really mean to him.  I lost my cool, Fonzie would be so disappointed.