oldie but goody
Written on June 9, 2007
I wrote this last year but seriously- grocery shopping has become a sport! I actually have bruises from shopping today. So once again I give you-
Grocery Store Etiquette
There should be a contract that all people of the earth should have to sign before grocery shopping. Grocery store etiquette has gotten way out of control lately people! Todays grocery shopping experience was enough to make me want to hire a personal shopper so I don’t have to deal with the madness. Here are a few things on my personal grocery store etiquette list:
-Just because you drive a Hummer, doesn’t mean your shopping cart is bigger and better than mine. I have shopping to do also, and I drive my shopping cart nicely. Drive friendly people! Its only groceries not a race to the finish!
-If you decide you need to ponder which macaroni is really the cheesiest, make sure your cart is not parked in the CENTER of the isle. No one can get around you either way, and we don’t feel like watching you slowly sprout roots where you are standing. Park to one side or the other, preferably on the same side that your roots have sprouted so other people can pass you without having to bump into your cart or your bootie.
-When shopping in the produce department and have a sudden allergy attack, please at least cover your mouth, or a great idea- flee the area. I do not feel like watching your saliva and snot fly through the air and onto the grapes I wanted to buy before you contaminated them. And please use the hand you didn’t just cover with germs to squeeze the tomatoes, Id like to go home without your DNA if at all possible.
-If you bring your children, please pay attention to them. I don’t feel like chasing your four year old because he is threatening to eat the raw meat he snagged from my cart. I am not Captain Salmonella, but that can’t be healthy. If you decide to drive them around in the giant green car shaped cart, please be aware that people have ankles, and they do not enjoy having them run over. Once again, just because your cart is bigger and greener and shaped like a race car or a truck, doesn’t mean it is better than mine. See rule #1.
-If I am walking in the isles and you are following behind me, make sure you have ample room in case I decide to actually stop my cart and grab something. I do not enjoy being rear ended. Please pass to the left if you feel I am walking too slowly. Do not tailgate, it’s just not nice, and it makes me feel rushed.
-If I have ten items or less I use the checkout that is labeled quite clearly “10 items of less”. If you have 45 items, you need to go to a different checkout. I will be happy to help you count, but if I’m in that lane, I only count to ten sorry.
-Tapping me in the butt with your cart will not speed up the checkout line. Plainly there are other people in front of us, and it is not your turn yet. Be patient, or things could start to get ugly. Your warning will be a dirty look, after that I can’t promise there won’t be condiments thrown at you.
-If I am loading my items onto the conveyer belt, please wait until I have emptied my cart before loading your items in behind mine. I will signal you when I am finished by politely placing a plastic divider on the conveyer after my last item. If I have not placed the plastic divider yet, and I am still bending to grab items from my cart- that means I am NOT DONE YET. Please wait for me to empty my cart.
-If you are in front of me at checkout, and are about to sign your check, you are not allowed to go grab “just one more thing” before you pay. I don’t feel like waiting for you to find the panty liners you forgot. That is not my fault and I shouldn’t be punished for it. If you forgot something- too bad, go back to start, do not pass go-do not collect $200.
-And finally, just because you are a soccer mom and drive a Hummer does not mean that driving through the parking lot against the arrows is permissible. I don’t care how many kids you have and how many stickers you have for their teams on the back window of your SUV, the arrows are there for a reason.
It’s all about patience and politeness people! What happened to being polite and following the rules?
Dammit I forgot to buy Midol.
(¯`v´¯)
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(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. jenni
Filed in: me.
.. the exact reason why I sucked it up, forgot my principles and took advantage of my local supermarket’s online shopping.. complete with next day delivery guarenteed for only a $10 delivery fee.
Ok.. ok… so it was really the aggrevated assault charge thrown on me after the little incident in the frozen food aisle when the little !@#$#%^ banged my head with the freezer door because she couldn’t grab the buy-one-get-one free Breyer’s Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream fast enough.
Either way, there are some benefits to grocery shopping probation!! ;)
I loved it when you first posted this and I still love it!! Grocery stores or all stores for that matter (Walmart? Hello?!) should enlarge it and post it where patrons CAN’T MISS IT!!
Love it!!
thank you for this hilarious guideline for shoppers! but I must say –where is the etiquette from the clerks?! My husband and I have 5 children-we live in a small community and have no choice but to shop in the town 45 minutes from our home. Our children are always with us and we take pride in that our children are rare-they actauly behave in public! and NO I’m not elaborating on that–they really do!! I must admit tho that on occasion they do get a little bit,well-hyper(certainly never to the extent I’ve seen some other ppls children tho, thank heavens!)anyways, I do have a story in here somewhere!LOL..
The other day we went grocery shopping…and since, as
I’ve mentioned we live quite aways away, and our kids had spent most of the day crammed into the truck, by the time we got to store they were fairly anctious to get OUT of the truck-so we go in to the store and get the few things we needed-we get to the check out and theres a new employee(oh joy I think-how long is THIS gonna take?)there was a hot dog and pop sale out side the store and the kids were starting to get “hyper” so I suggest to my husband,”why don’t you take them out and get them each a hot dog and pop” WELL!!!!! what I heard next shocked the hell out of me-the clerk found it her business to say to me,”do you really think they need more sugar?”….GOOD CHRIST! who did this obviously highschool aged girl think she was saying something like that-she was new but that is no excuse!
This was ,and still is, my sopping venue of choice-and we literally spend thousands of dollars at that store every month(with 5 kids we HAVE TOO!) we always, with the exception of this particular day-receive excellent service from all the various departments in the store! I honestly could not believe my ears with what this employee said!!! I replied to her “comment” with this, “i really don’t think thats a matter of your opinion”
And as it just so happens, I am good friends with her employer and I did tell them about her remark. My hope was that she would be fired but to my dismay she was not and now when we go into the store and she is working, we refuse to be “serviced” by her.I don’t know if that is really the way to go, refusing her particual service, but hell, what else can I do short of getting her fired!(seeign as that didn’t happen!)
so theres my little story.
thanks,
Mrs Joleen Sprecker