im an asstard
Written on March 29, 2007
yes…I am a complete and total idiot. RD did not mean it seriously and I should have known it was a joke from the beginning. To be honest with you I did take it as a joke at first, but then for some reason as the hours wore on my brain did a backflip and suddenly there I was worrying about how he felt about me. I know he loves me, he is probably the most genuine person I know and I just dont know why in my tiny little brain I thought he could ever be that kind of guy. It is sad that I have become jaded like that, isnt it? Im totaly dissappointed in myself as a girlfriend.
He called me last night and actually read my blog before I could bring it up! I was so embarassed. And then after two days of worrying over it, I wasnt even able to explain why I thought the way I did. For those couple of days before we talked I thought I had it all rationalized in my head, but it turns out it was the complete opposite. I blame being per menstrual- I swear to god it does something to my brain. I can be a totaly normal person one minute, and then the next Im a complete raging irrational psycho worried about her boyfriends inside jokes. Man, I am an idiot.
These are the things that get me in so much trouble in relationships. I dont know when to think before I speak, or how to step back from a situation before reacting on it. I hate to think that my past relationships have an effect on how I react to things now, and I know better. I told myself in the early stages of this relationship not to mess anything up, because this is the one that I truly want to work, for both of us. I cant let any old baggage I may have stuffed in the back of my mind get in the way of true happiness.
I asked him to leave his blog entry up as it is, because I dont need him to shout it from the mountain tops of webland. All I needed was to hear him say I was HIS chick, and not just “some girl” and he did a great job of telling me that last night. I just need to think to myself that he is truly genuine and would never hurt me, and I know this. It just takes a couple of kicks in my butt sometimes.
Sorry for flipping out on you RD. Can I have a do over?
(¯`v´¯)
`*.¸.*´
¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. jenni
Filed in: me.
Ahhh bless see it’s all ok. Don’t beat yourself up over feeling like that cause of PMS I do too and a tiny little thing can grow in my brain to be a huge thing. I’ve learnt now with Simon to just ask or explain how I feel. Sometimes I slip tho and go quiet and he knows then that i’m brooding over something and just makes me tell him.
You’ve had some bad history too and it seems that RD knows that and understands sooooo
You’ll be fine xxx
Big Hug to you and Cody and :-) hi to RD
xxxx
Oh and Simon says see he was right lol