brought to you by the letters pms
Written on March 28, 2007
Okay, so I’m having one of my Jenni moments. I can’t tell if I have PMS and am just being overly emotional or if the awful feeling in the pit of my stomach is for real. Would any other girl out there feel weird if their boyfriend of 8 months described them as “this girl that I’ve been ‘seeing’ ha ha…”? At first I played it off as a joke, but now it’s eating at me. Am I overreacting? Because I have this awful feeling in my stomach now. I don’t want to be that overbearing girl that jumps on her boyfriend every time he downplays their relationship but heck. I hope that I am more than just some chick that he’s “seeing”. Especially after 8 months.
Is he embarassed of me? I mean yeah Im not a super model or anything but I know Im not hideous. I have actually met a few of his friends and they were all really nice to me, so why would he still be describing me this way? We even have this joke that I am his secret girlfriend…now Im beginning to wonder.
He doesn’t treat me like just some girl, he treats me like I am the one and only girl for him. But I still don’t know how I am being portrayed to his friends. Do all guys do this? Because it seems like in every relationship I’ve been in, guys are different behind closed doors and then completely downplay everything in front of their friends. He doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who would do that though and that is why it is surprising me that he described me like that. “The chick in the picture is this girl that I’ve been ‘seeing’ ha ha…” UGH. If it was a joke, fine but if not…its getting old. I don’t want to be some chick; I want to be THE girl.
I suppose I should ask him about it but I thought Id have a little dramatic moment in my head and blow things way out of proportion before I did. You know, just doing the Jenni thing.
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(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. jenni
Filed in: me.
Jenni,
I would just bring what he said up to him. You have a right to have gotten your feelings hurt, but don’t blow it up when you talk to him. I would just bring it up and let him know that it hurt your feelings. Chances are he did not even put any thought into what he said, and if you bring it up he will set the record straight and watch what he says next time.
NeShaydith
I personally don’t think you are over reacting. SERIOUSLY, I’d be doing the same thing. Questioning yourself and the situation, and feeling like you just got dropped kicked in the stomache. I have been reading your blog from day one. I somewhat know the type of person you are just from reading for the past 1+ years. This is very normal for you. It would be very normal for me as well to feel the same way. I visit his site, and when I read that I was a bit thrown off by it too. It def didn’t make it sound like you 2 were in a serious relationship of 8 months. Just simply confront him. If he knows you at all then he knows of your insecureties/sensitivities and will find a way to reassure you other than flipping at the fact that you are even questioning the situation. I would question it. I always find that no matter the age, men always act like kids/teenagers. They never take the serious things serious and, like my husband, plays actions and words off as “jokes” most of the time. It is also very possible that this could be just an inside joke w/ his friends. Non the less, it does get old. But in the end result he should be careful w/ the words he chooses and take SOME things a little more seriously. I hope everything turns out ok. :) *smile*
It depends on the guy. If he’s shy about talking about his personal life, then I wouldn’t be too worried about it. I don’t know him or his readers, so there are some unknown factors there, but when I read it, it didn’t strike me as weird.
If I were you, I’d stop freaking out over it and ask him about it. Say, “it bugs me that that’s all you have to say about me.” If he seems surprised by your reaction and has a sincere response, then you know it wasn’t meant in any bad way. If he hems and haws and gets defensive, then you know he’s been avoiding the issue.
However, considering that he hardly ever updates his blog, this is his first mention of you, and that he thought it worthwhile to mention (as opposed to anything else going on in his life for the last couple of months), I’d take it as a good sign. It just looked to me like he wanted to mention you but didn’t want to go all gooey — and maybe erred on the side of caution.
There is no point in flipping out about it at this point. If there is a pattern in this kind of behavior, then … but if this is a first-time offense, take a step back, a deep breath, and re-evaluate the whole thing. Most importantly, talk to HIM about it, because obviously he does not read your mind.
Hi Jen,
Ok – I would feel just like you do and I must admit I did sort of wonder at that remark when I read it but….I will ask Simon cause he’s a guy ……
OK Simon reckons just to ask him because guys do play down how much they love there girlfriend to there mates…
Axxx
Did anyone notice the title of his blog post?
“See I DO have a girlfriend… Girlfriend…”
I think he’s finally claiming you publicly…he’s not exactly shouting his love off the rooftops, but for him, this might be a significant statement.
Hi Jenni, I am Jackie, one of the English family Chris lived with for a while (and he probably never even mentioned us!). Been reading your blog and delighted Chris has found someone so special to be happy with. I knew him as a warm hearted, unusual guy (and you wouldn’t fall for a lesser mortal) who was very private and self-contained in public. So,unless he’s changed a whole lot, I agree with Jillster…this was a highly significant statement. A little awkward maybe but for all that, rather touching. With Chris I’d certainly lay money on there being no hidden agenda, no trying to play it down. Just an initial swing at announcing his relationship with you. Don’t expect blogsful of hearts and flowers – don’t think its a rugby dudes modus operandi!
I’ve been in long distance relationship with my boyfriend for a while and yet we still refer to each other as “..the girl/guy I’m seeing…” Do I know I’m THE girl for him? Absolutely. Does he know he’s THE guy for me? Absolutely. So why do we refer to each other this way? Well – sometimes it’s easier to do that to reflect the next set of questions that start out with “…well why aren’t you living near/with him..” or “..how much time do you spend together..” and the “gee…that must be hard” coversation. We both know what the circumstances are and why we aren’t physically together in the same state. We each know what we mean to each other and we each know it doesn’t matter how we refer to each other when talking about them with other people – I AM his girl and he IS my guy and there is no one else for us. If we are all we talk about to other people, no matter how we refer to each other, people know. But in the end, it doesn’t matter what people know – it’s what we know and feel.
I was just going to point out the title of his post. DONT read to hard into it. Hell the new boy doesnt even introduce me to his friends when we are out, I have to introduce myself. Its not that he is embarrased of him or doesnt care for me…its just that he doesnt think and forgets that someone may not know me.
DEEP breath…it will be okay.