gossip
It amazes me that even at almost 40 years old I still have to deal with bitches talking behind my back…right in front of my face! Get a life! I’ve got one, and its fabulous.
Posted on 5 June '13 by Jenni Greenwood, under me. 1 Comment.
every trick in the book
“You don’t just wake up in the morning and wash your face and comb your hair and go out in the street and look like Marilyn Monroe. She knows every trick of the beauty trade”
Milton Green, Photographer
Posted on 2 June '13 by Jenni Greenwood, under me. No Comments.
sunshine on my shoulders
In the midst of all the doom and gloom in my life, a ray of sunshine broke though the clouds. My little Sister gave birth to her second child, my new niece!! Yay for little girls!!!! Meet Skylar Danielle Schafer born 04/30/13, 8 lb 1o oz, 21″ *LOVE!!!* cant wait to kiss those dimples!
(¯`v´¯)
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(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. jenni
Posted on 18 May '13 by Jenni Greenwood, under family, life update. No Comments.
do you believe in magic
“There’s no such thing as magic. Not in the traditional abracadabra genie in a bottle kind of way. But there is a magic in knowing that while not everything can be repaired, most everything can be survived.” Grey’s Anatomy S9 Ep22
Continued from fight or flight
I promise this will be a lighter posting…
Its the morning of May 2nd and I haven’t slept a wink. Chris and I decided to opt against the b cell lymphoma clinical trials. I just couldn’t imagine putting Cody through all the surgeries they required. He already had so many issues with the simple surgery from the biopsy, couldn’t go up the stairs, couldn’t run, couldn’t go to the bathroom normally etc. We opted for 15 weeks of Chemotherapy.
I was so scared. I’ve seen cancer take so many people from this earth, too many of them were family. Its heart-wrenching. I really had no idea that animals can get cancer too. Chris was out of town so I was on my own. Gosh, I don’t remember the last time I had to go through something so emotional and Chris wasn’t by my side. Yup, this day was going to be hard. I was still numb emotionally. My body and mind choose to go into hibernation when faced with stress. I was still just going through the motions. Alarm went off, get up. Get dressed, wash face, brush teeth. Get Cody in the car, drive. Robotic.
It had already been four weeks since his first diagnosis. I was so scared that any day now he would start to go downhill. I think he was feeding off my energy, because I felt that Cody was depressed too. I felt like he was catching on when he got so many car rides, something had to be wrong. I felt like I was keeping a secret from him…I wished I could speak his language so that I could explain. Looking at him in the rear view mirror just confirmed that he was still happy, silly, loved car rides, still Cody.
Mother nature introduced May to us in Colorado with an epic snow storm this year. Fort Collins is about an hour and a half North of Denver, almost to Wyoming, and they got so much snow that night that trees were downed, power outages were rampant, and lots of lines were down. Luckily by the next morning when we had to drive up there, the snow had melted from the roads. We made it on time with a minute to spare I walked him into the hospital. He seemed excited to be back!
Let me put this into perspective for you. Imagine your vets waiting room, multiply the animals and humans by five, and add a dog that loves both other dogs and human attention…what does that equal? Total embarrassing disaster. The second we walked up to the receptionists desk he was standing on his back legs like a little human…front legs swimming on the poor receptionists desk. He was trying to kiss her from our side of the desk. I gave her my name while trying to wrangle him back down to the floor. “Greenwood” I managed to mumble as his front feet were finally back on the ground and I mistakenly thought I was in the clear. It was then that i was dragged backwards with his leash wrapped around my legs because he noticed all the other dogs and their humans behind us. I literally spun in place on the newly waxed floors and Cody’s legs just ran in place like a cartoon.
I could almost hear the silly cartoon music as he tried to run on the slippery floor, all the while I’m trying to unwind myself from the leash knot he managed to wind around me. The receptionist slides over the paper I’m supposed to sign but his leash is on my left hand, which is now outstretched as far as my shoulder can possibly stretch attempting to hold him from drenching another poor human from his kisses. At least hes excited right? It took me a full Minute and a half to just sign the frigging form. I needed another hand to hold the paper still while I signed…I couldn’t sign! Embarrassed to the point of sweat on my upper lip I asked the receptionist for help, she held the paper still while I was able to sign with my free hand…and then it happened. I have never been this embarrassed in my whole life. Cody jumped up on her desk again, and with a swoop of his front paws immediately cleared her desk of everything that was resting on it. Pens, phone, Rolodex, flowers, business cards…all now in slow motion in the air and on the floor…and then…epic noise. The record scratched, and it seemed like everyone in the immediate area stopped and stared at me. Oh.My.God!!!! Seriously dog? All I could do was take a deep breath and look up at the ceiling…sigh.
Took a place in the waiting room…as far away from everyone as possible…but he was so excited I literally had to pace him back and forth. Sheesh dog! Finally I saw a smiling face from across the room, it was our nurse. She came over with her file and her super positive personality and sat with us, but that lasted for about 30 seconds before Cody jumped up on her and knocked all the paperwork off her lap onto the floor.Drenched her face in drool, but she never lost her smile. Mind you all this happened in a matter of about three minutes from the time we walked in the door. I was exhausted and glowing bright red. She was so nice and just left it on the floor as I listened to her talk to me about his treatment. It was then I realized that in these situations where it comes to handling Cody with strength I normally count on Chris! I’m not strong enough to handle him anymore- he weighs 104 Lbs and I’m about to hand him over to this poor little tiny nurse. I asked her “are you ready for this?” as I handed her the leash. She laughed and told me “I think I can get him from here to the room over there” as she wrapped his leash around her whole arm. I pictured him pulling her like a sled dog across the room, but they walked calmly as she looked back at me and winked. It didn’t hurt that she reminded me of our friend Jill. It was then that I think I came to. I came out of my coma.
I watched them walk away and then I started to walk towards the door. The tears had already drenched my cheeks and blinded me before I even noticed I was crying. The knot in my throat turned into nausea, and I found myself in the bathroom having a breakdown. It finally hit me, all the emotions I had been holding down, all the anxiety I was hiding, all of the stress I was denying…finally came out. The haze cleared, I took a deep breath and realized it was out of my control He was in good hands here. I trusted that as I walked out and left him there for his three hour treatment.
They called when he was all done and said he did beautifully. I believe she said “he was a dream to work with”. Its a teaching hospital so I’m sure he got a lot of attention from the student nurses. They said when they got him up on the table he immediately rolled onto his back and let them rub his belly and do whatever they needed to him. He stayed still and let them just pet him and put the catheter in his vein for the chemo, and had no problems. I was so happy I cried again. When I got him outside all he wanted to do was lay in the snow. The second I stopped to unlock the car he found a snow drift and wallowed in it like a polar bear. I just let him be a dog, who knows how long we sat there, I didn’t care. He was with me and that was all that mattered. It was a couple of hours after we got home when I noticed his release paperwork read “Cody is such an awesome dog! We all fell in love with him Today!…”
sigh. I love this dog.
(¯`v´¯)
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¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. jenni
Posted on 16 May '13 by Jenni Greenwood, under me. No Comments.
fight or flight
continued from sleeping monsters
Our story is now in the middle of April. The vet gave us other options, one of them was to visit CSU Animal Cancer Center in Fort Collins, CO. We faxed in his test results and a Vet called us to schedule an appointment to get in as soon as we could. Cancer in animals progresses quickly. Untreated dogs have a survival rate of 60 days from diagnosis. It had already been a couple of weeks so we needed to move fast.
I was still in my haze, going through the motions, trying not to feel the emotions that were welling up inside me. Got up every morning, followed my routine, went to bed every night. Rinse and Repeat. It seems to be my brains way of saving me, just shut off emotionally. Its not good…I know this. But its saved me from completely losing it on more than one occasion. It makes everything appear as though it is in slow motion, like being under water. I go into hiding, don’t see my friends, don’t answer the phone, I sleep. Its my fight or flight reaction.
The morning of April 24th Chris and I drove Cody to Fort Collins (which is practically in Wyoming) its a teaching hospital so there are students everywhere. It is such a neat place. My mood improved when I saw all the other animals and their parents in the waiting room, just like us. The nurse took us into a private room and gave Cody his initial check, of course he covered her in kisses and let her do whatever to him. He was so excited to get so much attention. We finally got to meet Dr Weishaar, who had spoken to Chris on the phone a couple of times since his initial diagnosis. Shes so nice and bright and happy, you can just tell she loves her job. It was refreshing and comforting. They kept Cody for a few tests and Chris and I went for lunch. It was when I walked out the doors of the hospital that my haze disintegrated and my emotions finally kicked in. I bawled through lunch, it was miserable. Poor Chris.
When we came back they had done chest x-ray (which came back normal), and did a test to see if the cancer was B cell or T cell, I’m not really sure which one is the bad one but his is B cell. We got to meet with a clinical trial doctor who went through about 6 clinical trials that Cody could be eligible for. Dr Weishaar then went through our options for treatment. I cried again. We had a lot to read, and a lot of thinking to do. This was a huge decision.
to be continued…
Posted on 6 May '13 by Jenni Greenwood, under me. No Comments.
sleeping monsters
“Infections are like sleeping monsters. You can’t see them, you can’t feel them but you must do everything in your power to contain them. Because when the monsters wake up, they’re out of control.
All that time you spent telling yourself the sleeping monster wasn’t real, it was gathering strength. The infection was spreading. The monster’s awake now and there’s nothing you can do about it” -Grey’s Anatomy
Anyone who knows me well, knows that Cody is my baby. I don’t have kids, I have Cody. He IS my kid. He is the center of my universe, the beat to my heart, and has been for 10 years. To find out that your kid is sick and dying? Well that is just the worst thing in the world for any parent to hear. Even a pet parent. And anyone who is reading this and thinking “hes just a dog” can just fuck off right now. Hes not just any dog. Hes my dog. He is my Schmoopy. He is my world.
At the beginning of April we took him in for his yearly shots, Rabies, Bordetella etc. and during his check-up the vet noticed his glands were quite swollen. After a syringe aspiration, and a full biopsy it was determined, that it was in fact lymphoma.
I didn’t want to believe it, they had to be wrong. He was his normal rambunctious self, still acted like he was a puppy. He cant be sick, that’s impossible. How did I not notice his glands were swollen? I put him on the floor and felt under his front legs, wow, yes they are swollen. I still wasn’t been able to find the glands on his neck or in his back legs and that gave me a little bit of hope. It wasn’t until his full biopsy that i could see how swollen the lymph nodes were in his back legs. They had to shave one of his back legs for the biopsy, exposing the gland under his skin. It was the size of a plum.
It took a full week to get the results back. I thought I might die every night not knowing. I thought I might have a heart attack, or die of insomnia, or have an anxiety attack… and.. just… die. I have heard you can actually die of a broken heart…(yes I am a hypochondriac). I covered him in kisses every moment we were together, smothered him with snuggles. I slept on the couch for a week because he wasn’t allowed to go up stairs until his stitches were out from the biopsy on his leg. The pain killers they gave him made his stomach upset so he would have to get up 2 or 3 times a night and go out, not to mention the ice packs we had to put on him every four hours to keep the swelling down.
Then they called with the results ”Advanced, High Grade Lymphoma”… I went into a haze.
to be continued…
Posted on 5 May '13 by Jenni Greenwood, under me. 1 Comment.
back in the saddle
My friend Josette asked “are you still writing in your blog?” as we sipped wine in her backyard. No, I answered and suddenly felt a pit in my stomach. It was the first warm weekend of the year and it seemed like we were all just coming out of our winter hibernation. I felt myself slip into my head, the conversation buzzed in my ears, and quickly I was a million miles away. I answered No? Why haven’t I been writing? I used to write almost every day not so long ago. Was it because my life had become less interesting? No, my life is fabulous, I’m fat and happy. When did this happen? Is it because I’ve finally weeded out all the drama in my life? Is it because I have less time to sit and pour my thoughts into a keyboard? Perhaps.
It hit me like a ton of bricks, that question. If she hadn’t asked I honestly don’t think I would have realized. Where have I been? I suppose I’ve gotten lazy since its easier to post a one liner to one of the bazillion social media websites I belong to. A photo one day, a funny statement the next. (At least I think I’m funny, everyone else must think I’m such a nerd.) It was nice to hear that she at least noticed that I stopped writing. I was more embarrassed that she asked and I had nothing to contribute, than finding out she had been reading.
It was then I said to myself- get the hell out of your head! Get up and do something about it! Snap out of it! I’ve got stuff in my brain that needs to be let loose, stories to tell, thoughts to share. Don’t know if anyone cares, but its mine to put out there and I’m gonna do it anyway.The excitement has returned to me. This is good.
I need more wine, and my comfy pants and I’m good to go.
Hello keyboard, my old friend. Dang, its been too long.
(¯`v´¯)
`*.¸.*´
¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. jenni
Posted on 2 May '13 by Jenni Greenwood, under me. 4 Comments.
Posted on 18 December '12 by Jenni Greenwood, under friends, me. No Comments.
h o m e
I was trying to think of a title for this post, I wanted it to be a word that describes Happiness. *Bliss* I thought. So I entered the word and a list of similar words was presented. *Heaven* Yes, heaven is the perfect word to describe this photo of my grandparents, smiling, happy, young…just the way they would want to be remembered. They were so beautiful weren’t they? I remember thinking, when Gramps passed away; I know shes there to guide him on his way. Shes there, don’t worry. They are together again, happy, smiling, young. *Home* Yes…that is the perfect word. H o m e.
Phillip Phillips – Home (2012) [MP3]
Hold on, to me as we go
As we roll down this unfamiliar road
And although this wave is stringing us along
Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home
Settle down, it’ll all be clear
Don’t pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found
Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home
Settle down, it’ll all be clear
Don’t pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found
Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home
(¯`v´¯)
`*.¸.*´
¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. jenni
Posted on 15 December '12 by Jenni Greenwood, under family, music. No Comments.
Rolling right along
I just love my father in law. Check him out on a Segway date with his girlfriend! I hope Chris and I stay as active as they are when we’re older.
Posted on 5 May '12 by Jenni Greenwood, under me. No Comments.
